Spirit-Ego Symphony

There is a constant conversation.

A symphony of order and chaos. It just depends on whether you can create music from it or not.

There is a constant hum of conversation that occurs between my spirit and ego, eternally fascinating and curious. They are a powerful source of enlightenment and development and always feel like an internal symphony of order and chaos (the dance between Shiva & Shakti). These spirit-ego conversations often highlight where I’m going and where I've misstepped or travelled too far. The whispers of each guardian echo through my mind, like smoke seeking an adventure on the breeze. And when I hear them arguing, I try to surrender. Try to comprehend that I'm being cared for. Both parts of my being want what is best for me, but they each have different opinions and ideas. The ego wants me to avoid pain and suffering. It wants success, comfort and respect. But the spirit seeks to nourish me, making sure I'm well-fed, guiding me towards meaning and integration.

But one thing I’ve learnt about both of my guardians is they both want me to feel loved and cared for. They both long for my safety. They both strive towards value. They each just have a different way of seeking and showing it. And when I follow one voice for longer than the other, I notice myself dove-tailing out of balance.

If I follow my ego for too long or too far, I grow obsessive, self-centred and reactive. I worry FAR too much about where I'm going and stress about NEVER being good enough. But when I follow my spirit voice too deep into the jungle, I become aloof and disconnected from reality. I meditate too much on the deeper meaning of things and lose myself to the whispy movement of the clouds. It’s a little too easy to soften into receipt, forgetting to play an active role in my creation. And I do have an active role to play in this world. I am a vital part of this unfolding. If I follow my ego without my spirit, my productions will be void of meaning. And if I follow my spirit without my 'ego', my philosophies will never be fertilised into reality.

Listening to my stewards and learning to execute their ideas brings me deep wisdom, self-connection and healing…as long as I can hear them with discernment and clarity. With a great deal of practice, I've learnt how to weigh their values and contributions and integrate them into fulfilling actions. When I read between the lines of what my ego is saying, I can hear what I value and when I'm hurting (and what I'm hurting over, for that matter) because my ego is trying to fight for me and strengthen against discomfort and disappointment. But when I listen to the melody that hums from my spirit, I can hear what I need and what I’m currently missing. Because my spirit never wants me to be void of purpose, it never wants me to miss out on the meaning.

So if I can listen intently to these instruments of my soul, I can piece their unique sounds together. I can produce a song, an orchestra of meaning, that sings the sound of wisdom and action. A soundtrack that tells a story of my success and my significance. I may be fortified by my discipline and benefit from the order, while also yielding great adventure from the chaos.